100+ Sarcastic New Year Quotes For Laugh
Welcome to our curated collection of “100+ Sarcastic New Year Quotes!”
As we begin another journey around the sun, it’s only appropriate to start the New Year with a touch of sarcasm to keep things interesting. Because, let’s admit it, resolutions are meant to be broken, gym memberships are bound to gather dust, and the only thing that truly endures is our dedication to sarcasm.
So, grab your imaginary eyeroll emojis and join in the celebration of the New Year with a compilation of sarcastic quotes that perfectly capture the essence of resolutions we never actually plan to keep.
Ah, the New Year, where individuals enthusiastically proclaim their intentions to completely transform themselves, only to find themselves trapped in the same old routines by February. It’s that enchanting time of year when the gym is packed with resolution-driven fitness enthusiasts for a few weeks, until the reality of Netflix and relaxation takes over.
So, let’s welcome the New Year with a generous serving of sarcasm because, let’s face it, if laughter is the best medicine, then sarcasm is the placebo we all require to survive another year of well-meaning but often short-lived resolutions.
Best Sarcastic New Year Quotes
#1
“New Year’s resolution: stop pretending I’ll become a morning person. Let’s be realistic here.”
#2
“May your New Year be filled with more laughter and less unsolicited advice.”
#3
“New Year’s resolution: embrace my inner couch potato and Netflix binge-watcher.”
#4
“New Year’s resolutions? Nah, I prefer to stay committed to my laziness.”
#5
“Cheers to a new year full of opportunities to cancel plans and stay in bed guilt-free.”
#6
“May your New Year be filled with laughter, love, and a bank account that doesn’t make you cry.”
#7
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for me to pretend I’m going to stick to my resolutions.
#8
“May your New Year be as bright as your credit card bill after the holiday season.”
#9
“New Year’s Eve: the night where we all get a little bit older, a little bit fatter, and a lot more drunk.”
#10
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for me to avoid making any real changes in my life.”
#11
“Here’s to a year of pretending to understand new technology trends while secretly missing the good old days of flip phones and dial-up internet.”
#12
“In 2024, let’s aspire to be the person our pet thinks we are. You know, the one who always has treats and never judges them for napping all day.”
#13
“This year, I’m resolving to work smarter, not harder. Translation: I’ll be Googling ‘how to be productive’ while still in my pajamas.”
#14
“May your New Year be as bright and exciting as the notifications you receive from your favorite food delivery app.”
#15
“This year, let’s resolve to stay positive and optimistic, even when our Wi-Fi signal is weaker than our willpower to stick to a diet.”
#16
“New Year’s resolution: Finally learn to embrace my inner child. Turns out, my inner child just wants to binge-watch cartoons and eat cereal for dinner. Nailed it
#17
“I’m not saying I’m going to conquer the world in 2024, but I might finally conquer my couch. Baby steps, people.”
#18
“New Year, new me? Nah, I’m just here for the snacks. And maybe a gym membership I’ll use once, just for the Instagram post.”
#19
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right! Or, you know, at least convince ourselves that we are.”
#20
“May your New Year’s diet be as successful as the government’s promises – lots of enthusiasm at first, followed by a rapid decline into disappointment.
#21
“New Year’s resolution: I resolve to procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow, or maybe the day after. Let’s not rush things in 2024.”
#22
“In the New Year, let’s aim to be the person our GPS thinks we are – confident, composed, and always knowing exactly where we’re going (even when we’re totally lost).”
#23
“May your 2024 be filled with as much joy and excitement as finding money in the pocket of pants you haven’t worn in months.”
#24
“New Year’s mantra: I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode. It’s all about sustainability, right?”
#25
“This year, let’s strive for a balanced diet – a cookie in each hand. Because life is too short for kale and too long for celery.”
#26
“May your 2024 be so fabulous that even your laundry basket gives you a standing ovation for finally tackling those socks without mates.”
#27
“Wishing you a New Year filled with as much excitement as a package delivery notification. Because let’s be honest, that’s as thrilling as it gets these days.”
#28
“In 2024, I’m aiming for a beach body. Specifically, the body I have when I’m at the beach – carefree and unconcerned about calories.”
#29
“New Year, new perspective: I don’t need a personal trainer; I need someone to follow me around and slap the unhealthy snacks out of my hand.”
#30
“May your New Year be as drama-free as an unplanned group project. You know, the one where everyone disappears, and you end up doing all the work.”
#31
“This year, let’s embrace our flaws and imperfections. After all, they’re the reason people find us so irresistibly charming, right?”
#32
“Cheers to a year of accidentally writing ‘2023’ on everything. Because, let’s face it, old habits die hard, especially when it comes to dating paperwork.”
#33
“New Year’s prediction: The only six-pack I’ll be working on is a six-pack of donuts. Fitness goals, you know?”
#35
“May your 2024 be as organized as a Pinterest board, or at least as chaotic and amusing as the ‘Nailed It!’ section.”
Sarcastic New Year Resolution Funny Quotes
#36
“New Year’s resolution: Finally learn to speak my cat’s language. Because if there’s one creature who knows the secrets of the universe, it’s definitely my aloof feline friend.”
#37
“New Year, new me? More like ‘New Year, new excuse to buy more shoes.’ Because nothing solves problems like a fabulous pair of heels.”
#38
“New Year’s resolution: Master the art of adulting without actually adulting. Because bills and responsibilities are highly overrated.”
#39
“New Year’s resolution: Perfect the art of pretending to listen while actually daydreaming about pizza. It’s a skill, really.”
100+ Funny Golf Quotes To Make Your Day
#40
“New Year’s mantra: I’m not a quitter; I’m a strategic re-evaluator of my life choices. It’s all about perspective.”
#41
“May your 2024 be filled with as much joy as finding the TV remote exactly where you left it – a rare and glorious victory.”
#42
“In the coming year, let’s be as determined as a cat trying to catch its own tail – persistent, slightly misguided, but entertaining nonetheless.”
#43
“New Year’s resolution: Embrace imperfections. After all, even the moon has craters, and people still write poetry about it.”
#44
“Here’s to a 2024 filled with opportunities so fantastic that even your horoscope can’t predict them accurately. It’s all in the surprises!”
#45
“It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.” – William Thomas
#46
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
#47
“He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool.”
– Farquhar McGillivray Knowles
#48
“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” – Oprah Winfrey
#49
“Happy New Year! Spoiler Alert: It’s going to feel the same.“
#50
“You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.” – Charlie Brown
#51
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.” – Bill Vaughan
#52
“My New Year’s resolution is to remember where I put my resolutions list.”
#53
“I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.”
#54
“I resolve to lose weight this year by blaming the refrigerator for always being full of delicious temptations.”
#55
“New Year’s resolution: Exercise daily. Even if it’s just rolling my eyes at people who take life too seriously.”
#56
“I will strive to be more organized in 2024. Starting with finding where I left my motivation back in 2018.”
#57
“New Year’s resolution: procrastinate more… starting from next year.”
#58
“This year, I vow to save money by avoiding unnecessary expenses, like buying a treadmill to hang my clothes on.”
#59
“I resolve to be more spontaneous in 2024, but let’s be real, I’ll probably just end up napping more.”
#60
“New Year’s resolution: Learn to say ‘no’ more often. Unless it’s to dessert – then, bring it on!”
#61
“I will conquer my fear of exercising. Right after I conquer my fear of getting off the couch.”
#62
“This year, I’m committed to staying positive. Positive that I’ll need a nap after making such a commitment.”
#63
“This year, I’ll work on my patience. Starting with waiting for the perfect moment to start working on my patience.”
#64
“New Year’s resolution: Be more eco-friendly by recycling my excuses for not going to the gym.”
#65
“I resolve to be more tech-savvy in 2024. Step one: Figure out which button silences the alarm on my phone.”
#66
“This year, I’ll strive to be more optimistic. Because, let’s face it, pessimism is just exhausting.”
#67
“New Year’s resolution: Find a balance between work and personal life. Preferably by napping at my desk.”
#68
“I will embrace a healthier lifestyle by eating more green vegetables. Like mint chocolate chip ice cream.”
#69
“This year, I’ll focus on personal growth. Like learning how to cook a new recipe – or at least finding a good takeout place.”
#70
“New Year’s resolution: Limit screen time. Unless it’s for binge-watching my favorite shows. That doesn’t count, right?”
Funny And Sarcastic New Year Quotes
“Tonight’s December thirty-first, something is about to burst … Hark, it’s midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!” – Ogden Nash
#72
“Cheers to the new year – may all your troubles last as long as your resolutions.” – Joey Adams
#73
“May the new year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall.” –Aleister Crowley
#74
“Though I am wishing you a very happy New Year, remember you still have the same old louse of a spouse!“
#75
“Last year’s resolution was to lose 20 pounds by Christmas. Only 30 pounds to go.”
– Anonymous
#76
“This year, I resolve to be more optimistic by avoiding situations that upset me…like making New Year’s resolutions.”
#77
“I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.”
#78
“I’m not making any New Year’s resolutions this year. Every day of my life is already perfectly imperfect.”
#79
“My New Year’s resolution list usually starts with the desire to lose between 10 and 3,000 pounds.” – Nia Vardalos
#80
“Happy New Year, my love. The next year can be a great year together if you just agree with everything I say.“
#81
“Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average…which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution.” – Jay Leno
#82
“Every new year is the direct descendant, isn’t it, of a long line of proven criminals?” – Ogden Nash
#83
“Let us celebrate this New Year’s Eve in honor of the time we successfully wasted this year.“
#84
“Every New Year’s I have the same question: ‘How did I get home?’” – Melanie White
#85
“I’m gonna order a pizza five minutes before the new year and when they arrive I will say, “I ordered this a year ago!”
#86
“Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.” – Dave Beard
#87
“My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself that I can pull off a crop top.”
#88
“May this year bring you many opportunities to overthink things and then pretend you never cared in the first place.”
#89
“May this year bring you many opportunities to start new TV shows and regret it immediately.”
#90
“Before I agree to this year, I need to see the terms and conditions.” – Anonymous
#91
“Happy New Year! It’s time to make a new year’s resolution and also to never speak of it again.“
#92
“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” – Bill Vaughan
More Sarcastic New Year Quotes
#93
“May this new year bring you more problems, more tears and more pains. Don’t get me wrong. I just want you to be a stronger person.”
#94
“People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.“
#95
“My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”
#96
“New Year’s resolution: find my chill and try not to lose it this time.”
#97
“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” – Brooks Atkinson
#98
“Sorry for all the annoying behavior I did throughout the year. May you give me another chance to do that in the next New Year!“
#99
“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” – Mark Twain
#100
“Don’t be so worried about what you eat between Christmas and New Year’s. Worry more about what you eat between New Year’s and Christmas.”
#101
“It’s officially New Year’s Eve. You only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.“
#103
“New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.”
#104
“Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.” – Oscar Wilde
#105
“Out with the old, in with the new’ is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.” – Andy Borowitz
As we say goodbye to another year of big plans and promises, let’s not forget to have a good laugh about it all. Resolutions, you know, those promises to do better each year? Well, they often don’t last long. But hey, that’s okay! As we enter the New Year, let’s remember that it’s alright to not take ourselves too seriously.
Life can be a bit of a rollercoaster, and sometimes, all we need is a good chuckle to get through it. So, here’s to embracing the funny side of our attempts at change and facing the year with a smile and a bit of humor.
Cheers to a year filled with laughs, self-awareness, and a good dose of sarcasm to keep things interesting!
