80+ Funny Tennis Quotes
In the world of tennis, the score may begin with love, but the laughter doesn’t stop there. “Funny Tennis Quotes” remind us that every player has a serious side and a funny bone. As we navigate the ups and downs of the game, these clever remarks and side-splitting observations become just as memorable as the excitement of the match itself.
Alright, get ready as we’re about to delve into a compilation of witty remarks that demonstrate how humor can be a secret weapon for any player. Whether you’re a tennis enthusiast or an actual player, these hilarious tennis quotes will definitely tickle your funny bone just like a perfectly executed drop shot.
Funny Tennis Quotes
#1
“Tennis is just like a thousand little sprints. The only difference is there’s no finish line.” – Pete Sampras
#2
“You can’t win a tennis match without breaking a sweat or a serve.”
#3
“If you think love is confusing, try understanding tennis scoring.”
#4
“I play each point as my life depends on it.”
#5
“Sure, on a given day I could beat him. But it would have to be a day he had food poisoning.” – Mel Purcell
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#6
“My tennis career was over when my opponent thanked me for a good workout.” – Anonymous club player
#7
“I’m as happy as I can be – but I have been happier.” – Ugo Humbert, after a tough match.
#8
“You know you’re in trouble when you start making the same noises as the coffee maker.” – A tennis player over 40.
#9
“The trouble with me is that every match I play against five opponents: umpire, crowd, ball boys, court, and myself.” – Goran Ivanisevic
#10
“Simple version for me is, umm, started bad and finished bad basically…”
Roger Federer
#11
“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the tennis court.”
#12
“I’m not afraid of anyone, but sometimes I’m afraid of my backhand.”
#13
“Why is it called ‘doubles’ when you’re only allowed one partner?”
#14
“If life is like a game of tennis, I want a killer backhand.”
#15
“Tennis is the only game where love is really just a score.”
#16
“Tennis is a sport that is civilized only to the point that it’s played one point at a time.”
#17
“I never knew I had an arm until I played tennis.”
#18
“My game is like my mood – highly unpredictable.”
#19
“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as a wall.” – Mitch Hedberg
#20
“My tennis game is like my Wi-Fi. Sometimes it’s great, but other times it’s just inexplicably terrible.”
#21
“Being champion is all well and good, but you can’t eat a crown.” – Althea Gibson
#22
“In tennis the addict moves about a hard rectangle and seeks to ambush a fuzzy ball with a modified snow-shoe.” -Elliott Chaze
#23
“Ladies, here’s a hint. If you’re up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That’s the hardest shot for the well-endowed.” – Billie Jean King
#24
“In tennis, a lob is just a really high five.”
#25
“The hardest shot in tennis is the second serve.”
#26
“You know you’re a tennis player when you consider the ball machine as a reliable friend.”
#27
“My forehand is my secret weapon. It’s so secret, I can’t even find it.”
#28
“We haven’t had any more rain since it stopped raining.” – Harry Carpenter
#29
“It’s quite clear that Virginia Wade is thriving on the pressure now that the pressure on her to do well is off.” – Harry Carpenter
#30
“The great part about tennis is you can’t run out the clock…” – Andre Agassi
#31
“When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I’m in.” – Robin Williams
#32
“But that won’t give me a free hand to hold the beer.”
Billy Carter while being taught the two-handed backhand
#33
“I’ve put more work into my backhand than I ever did in high school.”
#35
“The best thing about tennis is that no matter how much you play, you’ll never have the same point twice.”
Amusing Tennis Quotes
#36
“My tennis strategy is simple: When in doubt, grunt.”
#37
“I’m not saying my opponent was good, but I checked to see if my racket was still strung after the match.”
#38
“An otherwise happily married couple may turn a mixed doubles game into a scene from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.” – Rod Laver
#39
“The ball is round, the game is long.” – Bjorn Borg
#40
“It’s a lot of bling to play with. You got to have the bling.” – Serena Williams
#41
“It’s one-on-one out there, man. There ain’t no hiding. I can’t pass the ball.” -Pete Sampras
#42
“I’ve got a great backhand, forehand, and a terrible understanding of how to use them.”
#43
“Tennis is the only game where you can have multiple faults and not be a total failure.”
#44
“The only thing I slice more than my serve is my pizza.”
#45
“Tennis: where you can make a ‘racquet’ and still be polite.”
#46
“I’ll let the racket do the talking.” – John McEnroe
#47
“When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn’t play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.” – Hugo L. Black
#48
“Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, “Are we going to have sex again?” He said, “Yes, but not with each other.” – Rita Rudner
#49
“The only time I ever feel like a line judge is when I’m trying to decide whether to go for the shot or just let it go.”
#50
“I’m not saying my tennis game is bad, but if I had a dollar for every missed shot, I’d be on the Forbes list.”
#51
“I’ve got more unforced errors than autocorrect.”
#52
“My backhand is like a rare comet: you’ll be lucky to see it once in a lifetime.”
#53
“McEnroe has got to sit down and work out where he stands.” – Fred Perry
#54
“Tennis is a funny game; unbelievable highs and the lows are just as low.” – John McEnroe
#55
“To err is human. To put the blame on someone else is doubles.” – Anonymous
#56
“I’ve spent so much time on the tennis court, I’m considering paying rent.”
#57
“I’m pretty sure my tennis balls have started to hide from me.”
#58
“Monica Seles: I’d hate to be next door to her on her wedding night.” – Peter Ustinov
#59
“Tennis was a game invented by a woman named Samantha Tennis in 1839, in the village of Lobsworth, County of Kent, as a diversion for the wealthy and titled Englishmen of the region, who had nothing better to do at the time but drink, belch and wear funny clothes.” – Dan Jenkins
#60
“I had a feeling today that Venus Williams would either win or lose.” – Martina Navratilova
#61
“You know it’s going to be a bad match when your most consistent shot is the coin toss.”
#62
“Tennis is a lot like taxes – you try to avoid faults and hope for a good return.”
#63
“My game plan? Hit it where they ain’t. My execution? Hit it where I can’t.”
#64
“I thought playing tennis would help me get in shape. Turns out, I just run in circles.”
#65
“They say practice makes perfect. In my case, practice just makes me tired.”
#66
“I don’t always hit overhead smashes, but when I do, I make sure no one’s watching.”
#67
“In my dreams, I play like Federer. In reality, I play like I forgot my spectacles.”
#68
“Tennis is a perfect combination of violent action taking place in an atmosphere of total tranquility.” – Billie Jean King
#69
“Zivojinovic seems to be able to pull the big bullet out of the top drawer” – Mike Ingham
#70
“I’m not saying I’m bad at tennis, but if the court was a country, I’d have a lot of ‘out’ standing areas.”
Hilarious Tennis Quotes
#71
“My idea of a balanced diet is a slice of pizza in one hand and my tennis racket in the other.”
#72
“If my tennis skills were a song, they’d be ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’—because that’s all I’ve got.”
#73
“Some people have a poker face. I have a ‘where’s that ball going’ face.”
#74
“I play tennis because punching people is frowned upon.”
#75
“I’ve got a mean serve. And by ‘mean,’ I mean it doesn’t play nice with anyone.”
#76
“I’m living proof that you can know all the rules of tennis and still not be good at it.”
#77
“Winning in tennis is like trying to thread a needle. Except the needle is moving. And you’re holding a racquet instead of thread.”
#78
“A good shot is when you hit the ball and it doesn’t come back. You know, like a good boomerang.”
#79
“My game has a lot of room for improvement. Like, an entire mansion’s worth of room.”
#80
“They say love means nothing in tennis, which is perfect because that’s what my score usually is.”
#81
“I’ve been playing tennis for years and have concluded that the net is definitely not on my side.”
#82
“I’ve got a split personality on the court—half thinks I’m Nadal, the other half knows I’m not.”
#83
“If tennis matches were won by apologies for bad shots, I’d be a world champion.”
As we reach the end of our comedic match point, it’s clear that the spirit of tennis is as much about laughter as it is about athleticism. These funny tennis quotes not only serve up a slice of humor, but they also remind us that every point, game, and set is an opportunity to find joy—even in the misses.
So the next time you’re out on the court, remember to keep your feet moving, your racquet swinging, and most importantly, your sense of humor alive and well. After all, in the grand tournament of life, being able to laugh at yourself might just be the ultimate grand slam.
